I know how important it is for you to have friends and them accepting you in their life. What they think of you and how they feel for you is what makes you behave the way you mostly do. But ask yourself this, are you being true to yourself. Is that your natural course of behaviour or is that an act of pretence that you put on in order to please others. Now try and analyse this for yourself – would you not accept your friend the way he or she is with their many talents as well as their flaws. Then shouldn’t your friends do the same.
No one is perfect! Come on, we’re not Gods! We have our strong and weak moments. We sometimes do the right thing and sometimes do it wrong! What’s important that we learn from our mistakes. But if we are made to do something that will please our so called friends or try to be the stud in front of them when we actually are not so comfortable doing so, who are we cheating? We have our own sense of judgement which helps us differentiate right from wrong. Do you want to lead the right path or the one that’s not right? What I understand is that sometimes you take the wrong path is because you want others to pay attention to you. It’s a noted analysis that when someone doesn’t get the attention he is craving for, he tends to do something which will automatically draw the attention to him. Of course, everyone does it in their life. So, why should you be any different?
I won’t be telling you what to do. Let’s face it, it’s not my life, it’s yours. I can just enlighten you with the after effects. So, let’s say you do things always to please others and not yourself. What would follow is that you will be tested at every point in your life and expectations from you will keep on increasing. You will keep pleasing them and they will keep asking for more. Would you be getting anything in return? I hope you do. But if you don’t then you’ll be hurt and unhappy. You will not be living a life that makes you happy but your life will be just at the mercy of others. I’d also like to add here that once people know that you will do all that they ask for, they will start taking you for granted. Your own identity will be somewhere overshadowed by the things you actually do for others. You may not be able to realize your true potential, for all your time is wasted on pleasing others. Sometimes it’s also noted that people who come in the “pleaser” category actually lose their self-confidence and go into depression feeling that no matter how much they do, they will never fit in and they are not good enough. All because they judge themselves from someone else’s point of view. They don’t have any mind of their own.
Now let’s look at the other side of the picture. Say you set goals for yourself, you know what you want in life and you know what makes you happy. Now you work towards achieving it. Not every time you’ll be able to please people with that but in the end you will be following your own dreams. You are not following others but following your own path, your own dreams and you are doing it for yourself.
But there are some things that all of us need to be careful about – make sure you are humble, empathetic, loving, compassionate and respect the differences you face along the way. That’s when our choices are understood and we are respected while treading that road moving towards our destination. As for your friends, beloved ones – those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind, don’t matter.
It’s your road, yours alone… others may walk it with you but no one will walk it for you!!
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